I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
