And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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