Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
