big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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