Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Randomize
