WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
