I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
bring money and cleavage
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
