Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
