That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
