"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
