Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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