i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
