i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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