Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
