There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
