the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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