dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize