last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
