plz talk dirty to me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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