you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
