batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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