I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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