Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need a beard to bite.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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