i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
