I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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