just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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