guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Text me some of your sweat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
