Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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