I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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