There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize