So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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