I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
