somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
