i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize