I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
