You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize