i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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