I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
