that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
