Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
