Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
