You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
