First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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