Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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