Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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