Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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