i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
