Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think your dad took our porno
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
