I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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