dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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