she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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