Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
