I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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