I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
