i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
