So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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