she told me i tasted like america
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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