I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
