i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
