Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
