I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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