ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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