I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
