I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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