Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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