Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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