as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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