in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
