made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
