The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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