Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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