Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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