Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize