how can u be prego again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
